I Hope Cancer isn't Going to be My New Hobby

It’s been an interesting few days. Slept well a few days after the initial diagnosis then 2 nights of no sleep. The first night I couldn’t stop thinking – more accurately worrying. Last night the wind howled on the third floor and I was afraid the roof was going to come off. It didn’t. And I haven’t lost my job, gone in debt or …died. It sure is hard not to catastrophize when you’re in the midst of a catastrophe though…

Tomorrow I see the surgeon. I am already convinced it’s a grade 1 stage 3 cancer. My breast hurts and now the left breast hurts. I have always been a gifted somaticizer I remind myself…and the fatigue I am feeling could be no sleep, the emotional intensity of the last week or my poor diet. The pain under my right arm an overactive imagination working on what a lymph node might feel like if it’s clogged with black cancerous cells.

I am prepared for the moderately-priced worst news. I am hoping for stage 1 or 2. Of course I am terrified it’s stage 4. I coo to my breast words like “love” “peace” after reading a very interesting article on how water reflects our consciousness which follows after my blog entry. I have eaten only organic vegetables, fruits and products and now add to my list of fears poverty through grocery shopping. I am not eating sugar, sworn off my dirty martinis and researched dirty vs. clean foods. I’m hoping cancer doesn’t turn out to be a long-term hobby.

My colleague and friend at the college counseling center has been a wonderful resource, my sister and brother-in-law’s caring have floated me and my partner Virginia’s love and can do attitude have made the last few days bearable. Boy do they have their work cut out for them starting tomorrow!


Miraculous Messages from Water
How water structure reflects our consciousness
by WellnessGoods.com
http://www.life-enthusiast.com/twilight/research_emoto.htm