Verklempt

I had an appointment with Klemt (as in verklempt) orthopedics Tuesday and until the moment when Sheila, the certified fitter closed a tattered green curtain separating her domain from what otherwise felt, and kinda looked like a warehouse, I had no idea what I was doing there and what orthopedic fangel exactly they were going to fit me for. Sheila is very funny though not always intentionally so...but she was a very compassionate and nice lady who had me "strip from the waste up" (5 words I am getting beyond sick of) and then had me try on a "Soft - tee" which is a glorified t-shirt (ok, a little softer) that you come home from the hospital in that has little pouches for your drains. And, wallah! when you're done with the drains you can put fiberfill boobs in - not very convincing but I suppose they'll create the right illusion. Then I was introduced to the Boob prothesis - very real feeling silicone breasts that insert in bras that my insurance company will "allow" for two - a year.

Wednesday I met my oncologist. My first question to her was "Why am I here?" and I warmed to her when she answered "I have no idea". I asked a number of times when the appointment was being set up if it wouldn't be "better" (I resisted saying "more sense") if I saw the oncologist when she could accurately stage my cancer and know if it's in my lymph nodes but was poo poohed and there thered. I like the oncologist very much. She was approachable, interjected when Virginia asked about hair loss with a very funny story about when she shaved her head for a religious ceremony and her husband bought her a very expensive wig because he insisted a bald oncologist was'nt the tone she wanted to set in her first job in India. She very clearly stated, when I asked her about Chemo Lite, that she believes she has valuable information and as an expert (not The Expert), she sees her role as giving me all the options she supports so that I may make a decision for myself. A good day all in all.

Yesterday preoperative testing where I was unnecessarily curt with a nurse who informed me that women with double mastectomies are sent the home the same day unless there is a medical reason to keep them overnight. I was appalled though I had been forwarned of this protocol, and couldn't help myself from asking "so, having both breasts surgically removed in one day doesn't meet the medically necessary criteria?". I shouldn't have - it's not her fault, but I did get the attention of another nurse who after I informed her that it was my legal right to remain in the hospital if I am not ready to go home, researched, came back and said she had contacted my surgeon and advised him of my wishes and it would probably happen. In fact, it is not my wish but the wish of everyone else who are either incensed that I should be sent home or in Virginia's case, I think afraid of the first night.

Today i have to go to my primary care doctor (she couldn't be less primary - I've seen her once for a physical) because they believe I have a sinus infection and need to go on antibiotics before the surgery. Jeez.

No internal life this week just getting through it.

Oh, my car died. It's been happening for a while but means it now. 107,000 miles on it - I know how it feels. So, throwing caution to the wind, and hedging my bets, I am in debt for a new Scion XD for the next 5 years. Don't worry, I have the life and disability insurance for it so should I die no one will be in debt. It's barcelona red and sweet to drive. The car salesman said they had not seen a car without power steering in 15 years. I didn't have air conditioning either. Now I have both and don't need to worry about the range of motion I am likely to lose for a while that would have made driving my car impossible. I hate "everything for a reason" but this is my story for this episode and I'm sticking to it.